Holidays & Diet Talk

Have you ever heard some of the following things at the holidays? 

"Are you sure you should be eating that?"

"I can eat this because I ran/worked out this morning- I earned it."

"I wore my fat pants today- good thing."

"I'm going to gain so much weight after this meal."

"Why are you eating so much?" 

"Let's stuff ourselves and buckle it down for the new year."

Etc.....

The holidays are a time where our friends and loved ones come together to celebrate, but for most this can be a triggering time that is filled with disordered comments about weight, eating, and exercise along with increasing one's feelings of self conscious. We may not have seen many of these people for awhile particularly due to the happenings over the past year with the virus. This may mean that your body shape or size may have changed during this time. So many changes to our daily environment, stress levels, mental health, and habits have been greatly impacted. So it's really common to feel vulnerable and anxious about seeing friends and family particularly as they can invite unwelcome comments about your weight. It can cause some serious worry, especially when you have family members who are completely entrenched in diet culture and/or take it upon themselves to share what they think their spouse or children should be doing in regard to food during these festive meals if not aimed at you. 

Navigating the holidays as a new mom is a double whammy for uncomfortable conversations. Not only is there body talk, there's also unsolicited advice on ALL things to include "best practices" from years ago which are recommended against by the leading pediatric associations from aged relatives in regard to food, feeding, sleeping, medicine, or eating. It can be A LOT at once as a first time mom and often feels as if there is no way to escape. This post was inspired by my thanksgiving holiday and what I saw, heard, and experienced first hand. As a dietitian, I know going into many social situations that involve food- there is ALWAYS talk about food and eating habits that people want to share with me. I'm here to share my tips and how you can have a mental shift to protect you and your family from this added stress.

So what do you do? How can you avoid this crap?? First things first... come up with a game plan around how you want to handle when these comments or questions creep in and not only that, how you plan to take care of yourself afterwards. Also having some ideas prepped in your back pocket of ways to pivot the conversation- these can include books, new shows, movies, vacation plans, or simply ask about something in their life. People love to talk about themselves, that's always my go-to, it's easier. 

How do I shift the diet talk?

There are many ways to deal with body talk, some are more passive such as excusing yourself or changing the subject and then there are others that are more aggressive such as sharing why it's harmful not only to you but also to anyone within an earshot or giving a one word answer, "No." and exiting the area. You can also grit down and bear it, which is least ideal of all. I get it though, the confrontation could prove to be too overwhelming and deciding if this battle is worth your energy or not is up to you. I often decide if this person or persons are open to the idea of imparting knowledge, if not, I don't waste my breath. This concept is still very new, especially in a family setting where we feel more open and able to cast judgements haha. 

Speaking up takes a lot of strength and mental energy. Not to mention it can be exhausting arguing against the ever evasive diet culture to explain how it can do damage and providing education. Being honest about how these comments or questions make you feel can be terrifying, but protecting yourself is paramount. Sometimes preserving that energy and instead using it to take care of yourself is what's best by walking away, using the rest room, or dive deep into your smart phone abyss. Whatever your plan is, make sure it's specific so you aren't caught off guard. 

When exercise in exchange for food is brought up I like to inform people that I'm actually working on this thing where I don't have to earn my food and I move because it feels great and I love it, not to save calories up for later or change the way my body looks. I love movement and often people see it as a necessary evil to manage their weight and that's their primary focus. So I feel compelled to shed light on the massive health and mental benefits of it that have absolutely nothing to do with weight loss. As a new mom, many are often puzzled that this is my stance on the topic, but I stand firm. 

So what if you go with a plan and still end up getting defeated? If this turns out to be triggering to you, plan on how you want to take care of yourself after this event. Talking to a trusted supporter, taking a walk outside to clear your mind, journaling your range of emotions- do whatever it is that is going to fill you up and make you feel safe. Then learn from the experience for next time. I often get sad after the initial anger/frustration subsides. It makes me sad that when we come together to celebrate we feel the need to dwindle our achievements and focus solely on what we can eat since we have "been good" or how the focus has been stolen from what really matters. 

Know in the back of your mind and in your heart that what you and/or what your child eats is NOBODY's business. You are allowed to choose how much to eat of ANY given food regardless what pressures you get pushed on you (Hello Grandma- I see you.... lay off selling the cranberry Jello!) and your body is your business and only your business. The holidays are tough, but you got this!