Saying No

In a recent conversation with a client, she brought up what I know most women feel to their core. Saying no isn’t often in our vocabularies. We are shown from a very small age how we are expected to be master multi-taskers, sultans of scheduling, and fixers of chaos. My client explained how she has felt overwhelmed for the past 5-6 years since she first became a mother. 5 to 6 years... as women we wear this cloche of expectation in which we are constantly pulled in multiple directions keeping our heads just above the water. Overwhelmingly expected to give give give, till we often have no energy left for ourselves and we wear this as if it's a badge of honor. We proudly stout on about the minimal hours slept for the sake of a child's costume we decided to hand make, the wee hours of the morning we rise before our alarm to get a workout in or prepare for the day, or the laundry and prepping for the next morning burning late into the midnight oils. As women, we are afraid to say no in fear of hurting others feelings, to be viewed as emotional or "crazy", or to simply not be a b*tch.

Over the past year I've gotten VERY good at saying NO. I've been put in situations where I was asked for entirely too much and was providing more than I could have afforded (mentally or emotionally), and I kept giving because I felt that someone needed me, so instead of bowing out when I should have or tapping the breaks, I continued to give. Which in turn led me to avoid those relationships and ultimately soured my outlook on those people. I used to play the part of what I thought relationships should be like, I would entertain things that didn't make me happy and would task me when I didn't have the time or energy for other's problems, all too often we take on other's issues and as a problem solver myself, I would allow myself to feel these waves of defeat, sadness, or anger from other's situations. I allowed myself to be battered and overworked. I would be emotionally drained, and it did not add to Ariel. 

I've been asked to give my care and simply I've learned to refuse. I cannot fill other's cups when mine isn't replenished and I'm not receiving what I need. While running my own business does have its own perks and is the ultimate reward at times, I am "on-call" all the time, so I’ve learned to finally set hours for myself and made my phone not an extension of myself as much. I plan out time during the week to work on my client programs and workouts. I don't touch my computer for work until those times and avoid reading emails from my business account until those set times as well. I respect myself and my time, this has helped me prioritize my life.

Through all of this, I have found my truth. I don’t have to live up to other’s expectations. I don’t like texting, gossiping, or spending my time tearing myself or other’s apart- SO I don’t anymore. I don’t entertain things that drain me, emotionally task me and my relationships (to include the most important one- the one with myself), or allow other’s to guilt or pressure me into doing things I don’t want to do. Unfollow the account, to include mine, if it makes you feel like shit, don’t sign up for that um-teenth volunteer opportunity if it’s not going to fit into your schedule, and say NO to things and people that don’t serve YOU. 

Life is about adding value, so don’t discount yours.